"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent".
~ Victor Hugo
music makes me happy lately...
makes me forget what burden am carrying right now.
if only i can listen to the music 24/7, then i guess it wouldn't be a problem.
when i go home to rest later...pangs of hurt comes flowing back.
rushing like flashflood and i wont be able to stop it.
exhausted for the day, i just take whatever comes my way.
wake me up when it's time to go.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
to the forsaken angel
"God will never leave you empty.
He will replace everything you lose.
If He asks you to put somthing down,
its because He wants you
to pick up something greater."
A person very close to my heart sent me this message.
It's very understandable but i can't seem to comprehend it's meaning..
not at this very low point in my life.
I may not be able to see the logic of it because i have my own logic right now..
but someday, somehow, i will.
Monday, September 26, 2005
my strength
how can i be strong for both of us?
teach me how...teach me all those things that i need...
before you go.
Friday, September 23, 2005
i miss you
remember how i traced your face...
i touched your teary eyes, your runny nose and your pouty lips.
that was the day you said you dont want me anymore
how we both cried...
but you didn't see how i died.
i touched your teary eyes, your runny nose and your pouty lips.
that was the day you said you dont want me anymore
how we both cried...
but you didn't see how i died.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
im singin' in the rain...
i've been listening to my old juliana theory mp3's lately...
its the LIVE 10.23.2001 album.
i like most of the songs.
mirrors all the pent up emotions that i wasn't able to express.
am not really much with words.
most of what i feel emotionally...just stays in my brain.
and i dont get to tell many people about my problems.
only two or three would suffice for me.
LIVE 10.23.2001 is very much alike and at the same time different from their other albums.
alike because of the words and emotion it contains and different because of the genre or let's say the beat of the music...the later albums are more agrressive when it comes to the beat.
well...this is just my personal view, 'tis not an official review of the band.
however you take it, i don't really care.
these are my views...respect it.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Grief and Loss
"There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says….Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me."
- C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"
He might have encountered a different level of grief than mine but it still boils down to one thing : Sadness, loneliness and fear.
I found out that the process of grief are : shock, denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance. I want to skip to acceptance and not go through the other two after denial. I just want to have a peaceful transition of accepting things.
He is a strong person and so am i.
- C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"
He might have encountered a different level of grief than mine but it still boils down to one thing : Sadness, loneliness and fear.
I found out that the process of grief are : shock, denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance. I want to skip to acceptance and not go through the other two after denial. I just want to have a peaceful transition of accepting things.
He is a strong person and so am i.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Running
Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I've fallen
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Don't make me want to give up
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
I really think we'll make it (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
[Repeat]
(The future)
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
I really hope we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I've fallen
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Don't make me want to give up
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
I really think we'll make it (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
[Repeat]
(The future)
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
I really hope we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Monday, September 19, 2005
birthday wish and not's
my birthday came and went.
a year older and a lot wiser?(i hope so..)
but through the years,i gained a lot of experiences,
both good and not so good... but all of this things made me a lot stronger,that's for sure.
oh well... that's life huh!
i had fun in my birthday.
all the expected people and a few unexpected ones that were close to me
got the chance to greet me.
and all those who i didn't expect to remember, well...not a word from them!
teehee! who cares..
i didn't get any gifts though but that's quite alright.
i didn't expect that much.
i don't really need material gifts right now.
peace of mind maybe and someone to comfort me and tell me that i am still loved.
a year older and a lot wiser?(i hope so..)
but through the years,i gained a lot of experiences,
both good and not so good... but all of this things made me a lot stronger,that's for sure.
oh well... that's life huh!
i had fun in my birthday.
all the expected people and a few unexpected ones that were close to me
got the chance to greet me.
and all those who i didn't expect to remember, well...not a word from them!
teehee! who cares..
i didn't get any gifts though but that's quite alright.
i didn't expect that much.
i don't really need material gifts right now.
peace of mind maybe and someone to comfort me and tell me that i am still loved.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
to my bubi
Tearjerker
Picture's on the wall just waiting there to fall
Still remind me that painful holiday can almost hear you say
Please don't miss me too long
What did I do wrong
Could've sung a different song you were my tune
Make my heart believe a want is not a need
And I'm all right without you
The days go by the nights don't change
The stars still spell out your name
I will wait for you
The world has let me down
Is it you're just not around
I've lost my reason all the memories
Every smile you gave to me you can keep them
The days go by the nights don't change
The stars still spell out your name
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for days go by
And still I will wait for you
Picture's on the wall just waiting there to fall
Still remind me that painful holiday can almost hear you say
Please don't miss me too long
What did I do wrong
Could've sung a different song you were my tune
Make my heart believe a want is not a need
And I'm all right without you
The days go by the nights don't change
The stars still spell out your name
I will wait for you
The world has let me down
Is it you're just not around
I've lost my reason all the memories
Every smile you gave to me you can keep them
The days go by the nights don't change
The stars still spell out your name
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for days go by
And still I will wait for you
tearjerker
its over a year since i last heard the tune of this emo music.
this has been the source of my strength during my "depression days"..
and am findin and longing for its comfort again.
am not a lunatic...dont get me wrong.
maybe am just a sad person...
this has been the source of my strength during my "depression days"..
and am findin and longing for its comfort again.
am not a lunatic...dont get me wrong.
maybe am just a sad person...
Stephen Covey
i had the opportunity to be trained for "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People".
i hate trainings,peroid.
but this training that i just went through really opened my eyes and stretched my horizon.
in my opinion, this training was conducted in our company to enhance and empower us in our respective field...
it actually did but it did more for me...it went beyond work.
it has made a significant difference in how i see myself.
through its interesting activities, i ahd a lot of realizations. mostly positive.
am glad i attended it.
i think everyone should hear what stephen covey has to say.
i hate trainings,peroid.
but this training that i just went through really opened my eyes and stretched my horizon.
in my opinion, this training was conducted in our company to enhance and empower us in our respective field...
it actually did but it did more for me...it went beyond work.
it has made a significant difference in how i see myself.
through its interesting activities, i ahd a lot of realizations. mostly positive.
am glad i attended it.
i think everyone should hear what stephen covey has to say.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
space
sometimes i cant understand it when people start talkign about space.
is it not wanting to be with the other? is it being alone for a while?
i think it is.
most of the time, i dont really need it.
i got the habit of thinking a lot of things however busy i am.
i also found out that those people who are outgoing or lets say extroverted, needs a lot of space...to rediscover themselves? i wouldnt know.
most people on the other side, on the contrary, doesnt need space most of the time.
i for one, get a lot of space by not being surrounded by a lot of people most of the time.
call it havin no life...call it whatever you want...but its quite alright.
i dont need space...and i still live everyday.
is it not wanting to be with the other? is it being alone for a while?
i think it is.
most of the time, i dont really need it.
i got the habit of thinking a lot of things however busy i am.
i also found out that those people who are outgoing or lets say extroverted, needs a lot of space...to rediscover themselves? i wouldnt know.
most people on the other side, on the contrary, doesnt need space most of the time.
i for one, get a lot of space by not being surrounded by a lot of people most of the time.
call it havin no life...call it whatever you want...but its quite alright.
i dont need space...and i still live everyday.
leech and such
mnay tales has been said and wriiten about friendship.
diverse topic...but what took my attention was this type of friend...the LEECHY type.
if i know a person like that, i wouldnt even call them "friend".
that would be too kind for them.
acquaintance maybe...but not friend.
and there would be no hiding my feeling towards them.
ill just shut my mouth so as not to add to my already full glass of "sins".
last year, i moved out from my couins house because theres a leech, so to speak, who lives with us.
i thought the leech will get the same idea and move on.
Wrong!
the leech went on with her merry ways.
my cousin moved out and transferred to another place...guess what...
the leech moved out too and transferred to the new house! the nerve.
anyway...they had a row later on...
and much later on...was back!
how amusing.
just saw the leech and i feel so icky!
cant wait to get out from there.
whew! what a leech!
diverse topic...but what took my attention was this type of friend...the LEECHY type.
if i know a person like that, i wouldnt even call them "friend".
that would be too kind for them.
acquaintance maybe...but not friend.
and there would be no hiding my feeling towards them.
ill just shut my mouth so as not to add to my already full glass of "sins".
last year, i moved out from my couins house because theres a leech, so to speak, who lives with us.
i thought the leech will get the same idea and move on.
Wrong!
the leech went on with her merry ways.
my cousin moved out and transferred to another place...guess what...
the leech moved out too and transferred to the new house! the nerve.
anyway...they had a row later on...
and much later on...was back!
how amusing.
just saw the leech and i feel so icky!
cant wait to get out from there.
whew! what a leech!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
space
sometimes i cant understand it when people start talkign about space.
is it not wanting to be with the other? is it being alone for a while?
i think it is.
most of the time, i dont really need it.
i got the habit of thinking a lot of things however busy i am.
i also found out that those people who are outgoing or lets say extroverted, needs a lot of space...to rediscover themselves? i wouldnt know.
most people on the other side, on the contrary, doesnt need space most of the time.
i for one, get a lot of space by not being surrounded by a lot of people most of the time.
call it havin no life...call it whatever you want...but its quite alright.
i dont need space...and i still live everyday.
is it not wanting to be with the other? is it being alone for a while?
i think it is.
most of the time, i dont really need it.
i got the habit of thinking a lot of things however busy i am.
i also found out that those people who are outgoing or lets say extroverted, needs a lot of space...to rediscover themselves? i wouldnt know.
most people on the other side, on the contrary, doesnt need space most of the time.
i for one, get a lot of space by not being surrounded by a lot of people most of the time.
call it havin no life...call it whatever you want...but its quite alright.
i dont need space...and i still live everyday.
Friday, August 19, 2005
independence
this is my bad side.
everytime am in a relationship...i lose my independence.
is somebody readin my blog?make a comment.
is it really a pattern? that you lose your independence when u get so close with somebody?
how to get it back...am findin ways.
got to build that wall again.
got to get it back.
my independence.
everytime am in a relationship...i lose my independence.
is somebody readin my blog?make a comment.
is it really a pattern? that you lose your independence when u get so close with somebody?
how to get it back...am findin ways.
got to build that wall again.
got to get it back.
my independence.
two
its the 2nd week of my hopeless case..
maybe i just dont trust anybody these days...not even my closest friend...ME
i feel like i could crush somebody with my own two teeny weeny hands when i feel so emotional...then after a while...
its either it leaves me completely empty,
or i feel rejuvenated.
as if i didnt feel so hateful before that.
maybe i just dont trust anybody these days...not even my closest friend...ME
i feel like i could crush somebody with my own two teeny weeny hands when i feel so emotional...then after a while...
its either it leaves me completely empty,
or i feel rejuvenated.
as if i didnt feel so hateful before that.
Friday, August 12, 2005
book...worm?
i just realized..
that i haven't been reading good books lately.
not that i have been reading bad ones..
i cant remember the last time i really took the time to read.
its like a thirst for a very cold drink..
thirst for words...connected with eac otehr to make at least a sane line.
hmmm...
been readin like three books right now...
depending on my mood.
happy potter book 6..jk rowling
the 21 indispensable qualities of a leader..john c maxwell
the last time i saw mother..arlene chai.
the first one, as we all know, is very famous amongst all age groups.
the second one.. keeps me grounded and most importantly makes me more objective when am doin my job.
the third one,a contemporary reading.ist a good book actually but by golly, i hate stories about the war...the atrocities done by these slit-eyed so caleld human beings. the war has ended but its very sad to think how we have come so far and yet still slaves in one way or another by these people.
God bless the writers...however bad their stories are!
that i haven't been reading good books lately.
not that i have been reading bad ones..
i cant remember the last time i really took the time to read.
its like a thirst for a very cold drink..
thirst for words...connected with eac otehr to make at least a sane line.
hmmm...
been readin like three books right now...
depending on my mood.
happy potter book 6..jk rowling
the 21 indispensable qualities of a leader..john c maxwell
the last time i saw mother..arlene chai.
the first one, as we all know, is very famous amongst all age groups.
the second one.. keeps me grounded and most importantly makes me more objective when am doin my job.
the third one,a contemporary reading.ist a good book actually but by golly, i hate stories about the war...the atrocities done by these slit-eyed so caleld human beings. the war has ended but its very sad to think how we have come so far and yet still slaves in one way or another by these people.
God bless the writers...however bad their stories are!
Thursday, March 24, 2005
cleansing day
havent been here for a while now...
lost my password...forogt my sign in name (what a tragedy!!)
anyway...today...or rather yesterday was a very "tummy painful " experience for me...so to speak. it was "cleansing day" for me. very approprite for the upcoming holidays...clean your mind, clean your soul,abstinence...so on and so forth.
i had an episode of acid reflux.
coupled with LBM (yeowww....hehehehe).
i vommitted evertything i ate...which was all suprisingly all liquid (where has all those spaghetti stuff go?)
and right now...for lunch, i only drank gatorade and ate a banana. am afraid that if i ate other stuff...ill have another "cleansing day" again.sigh...
the dragon is lookin at me.
lost my password...forogt my sign in name (what a tragedy!!)
anyway...today...or rather yesterday was a very "tummy painful " experience for me...so to speak. it was "cleansing day" for me. very approprite for the upcoming holidays...clean your mind, clean your soul,abstinence...so on and so forth.
i had an episode of acid reflux.
coupled with LBM (yeowww....hehehehe).
i vommitted evertything i ate...which was all suprisingly all liquid (where has all those spaghetti stuff go?)
and right now...for lunch, i only drank gatorade and ate a banana. am afraid that if i ate other stuff...ill have another "cleansing day" again.sigh...
the dragon is lookin at me.
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