i was reading my blog today and it occured to me that i dont have any particular topic to talk about...
i logged out and just went on with my routine at work.
then suddenly it came to me.
for a few days now...i've been trying to convince or rather "control" myself not to do some stuff...because i promise somebody...somebody who's not with me anymore that am gonna do my best to give him what he needed at this point...which is "time".
countless times have i reprimanded myself to let this person be... to give him time
it so easy to say but in reality, it is actually hard to do.
i miss a lot of things...i mean a lot.
i've had a lot of realizations lately...
looking from where i am now and from wher i started,
i have not become a better person...but a selfish one.
i've become dependent and possessive.
its not me...maybe i was possessed (teehee!) or blinded by all the things i thought was right for us.i was wrong,very wrong, i've realized it now.
i don't know if it was really my fault but i think it will be better for everyone if i'll just own the responsibility.
i have nothing else to lose...but i have a lot of things to learn.
with what am doin right now, i can say that am starting to pick up the pieces of what is left of me...it's not really a matter of having no choice but i choose to be a better person.
although am still hurting so badly inside, i chose not to be miserable.
somehow writing all this stuff makes me feel a little better about myself.
i still believe in reconciliation...am still hoping but eventually i will learn to let go of things that i have no control of.
i am waiting...but i do not know until when...only time will tell.
i still believe in the saying that goes ...
" if you love someone, set them free, if they come back, then you are really meant to be.."
corny stuff (teehee!)... but it has actually some truth in it.
this post does not only pertains to love and self control but also about choices, challenges,decisions, truth, sacrifice and being optimistic in troubling times.
i hope with this, i may be able to enlighten souls.
