crash and burn...

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump i'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart


i will not give up...
i still believe in you.
i still believe that we can get through this...
give me the chance to lighten your burden.
please take my hand
am just here waiting for you.

WAN

love and self control

i was reading my blog today and it occured to me that i dont have any particular topic to talk about...
i logged out and just went on with my routine at work.
then suddenly it came to me.
for a few days now...i've been trying to convince or rather "control" myself not to do some stuff...because i promise somebody...somebody who's not with me anymore that am gonna do my best to give him what he needed at this point...which is "time".
countless times have i reprimanded myself to let this person be... to give him time
it so easy to say but in reality, it is actually hard to do.
i miss a lot of things...i mean a lot.
i've had a lot of realizations lately...
looking from where i am now and from wher i started,
i have not become a better person...but a selfish one.
i've become dependent and possessive.
its not me...maybe i was possessed (teehee!) or blinded by all the things i thought was right for us.i was wrong,very wrong, i've realized it now.
i don't know if it was really my fault but i think it will be better for everyone if i'll just own the responsibility.
i have nothing else to lose...but i have a lot of things to learn.
with what am doin right now, i can say that am starting to pick up the pieces of what is left of me...it's not really a matter of having no choice but i choose to be a better person.
although am still hurting so badly inside, i chose not to be miserable.
somehow writing all this stuff makes me feel a little better about myself.

i still believe in reconciliation...am still hoping but eventually i will learn to let go of things that i have no control of.
i am waiting...but i do not know until when...only time will tell.
i still believe in the saying that goes ...
" if you love someone, set them free, if they come back, then you are really meant to be.."
corny stuff (teehee!)... but it has actually some truth in it.

this post does not only pertains to love and self control but also about choices, challenges,decisions, truth, sacrifice and being optimistic in troubling times.

i hope with this, i may be able to enlighten souls.

music and me

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent".
~ Victor Hugo

music makes me happy lately...
makes me forget what burden am carrying right now.
if only i can listen to the music 24/7, then i guess it wouldn't be a problem.

when i go home to rest later...pangs of hurt comes flowing back.
rushing like flashflood and i wont be able to stop it.
exhausted for the day, i just take whatever comes my way.

wake me up when it's time to go.

to the forsaken angel

"God will never leave you empty.
He will replace everything you lose.
If He asks you to put somthing down,
its because He wants you
to pick up something greater."

A person very close to my heart sent me this message.
It's very understandable but i can't seem to comprehend it's meaning..
not at this very low point in my life.
I may not be able to see the logic of it because i have my own logic right now..
but someday, somehow, i will.

my strength

how can i be strong for both of us?
teach me how...teach me all those things that i need...
before you go.

i miss you

remember how i traced your face...
i touched your teary eyes, your runny nose and your pouty lips.
that was the day you said you dont want me anymore
how we both cried...
but you didn't see how i died.

im singin' in the rain...

i've been listening to my old juliana theory mp3's lately...
its the LIVE 10.23.2001 album.
i like most of the songs.
mirrors all the pent up emotions that i wasn't able to express.

am not really much with words.
most of what i feel emotionally...just stays in my brain.
and i dont get to tell many people about my problems.
only two or three would suffice for me.

LIVE 10.23.2001 is very much alike and at the same time different from their other albums.
alike because of the words and emotion it contains and different because of the genre or let's say the beat of the music...the later albums are more agrressive when it comes to the beat.

well...this is just my personal view, 'tis not an official review of the band.

however you take it, i don't really care.

these are my views...respect it.

Grief and Loss

"There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says….Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me."
- C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"

He might have encountered a different level of grief than mine but it still boils down to one thing : Sadness, loneliness and fear.

I found out that the process of grief are : shock, denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance. I want to skip to acceptance and not go through the other two after denial. I just want to have a peaceful transition of accepting things.


He is a strong person and so am i.

Running

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I've fallen
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going

Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Don't make me want to give up

Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
I really think we'll make it (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
[Repeat]

(The future)

Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated

Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
I really hope we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated

birthday wish and not's

my birthday came and went.
a year older and a lot wiser?(i hope so..)
but through the years,i gained a lot of experiences,
both good and not so good... but all of this things made me a lot stronger,that's for sure.
oh well... that's life huh!

i had fun in my birthday.
all the expected people and a few unexpected ones that were close to me
got the chance to greet me.
and all those who i didn't expect to remember, well...not a word from them!
teehee! who cares..

i didn't get any gifts though but that's quite alright.
i didn't expect that much.
i don't really need material gifts right now.
peace of mind maybe and someone to comfort me and tell me that i am still loved.

to my bubi

Tearjerker

Picture's on the wall just waiting there to fall
Still remind me that painful holiday can almost hear you say
Please don't miss me too long
What did I do wrong
Could've sung a different song you were my tune
Make my heart believe a want is not a need
And I'm all right without you
The days go by the nights don't change
The stars still spell out your name
I will wait for you
The world has let me down
Is it you're just not around
I've lost my reason all the memories
Every smile you gave to me you can keep them
The days go by the nights don't change
The stars still spell out your name
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for you
I will wait for days go by
And still I will wait for you

tearjerker

its over a year since i last heard the tune of this emo music.
this has been the source of my strength during my "depression days"..
and am findin and longing for its comfort again.

am not a lunatic...dont get me wrong.

maybe am just a sad person...

alone

i hate the feeling of being alone.
eversince my childhood, it has been my constant companion.

Stephen Covey

i had the opportunity to be trained for "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People".
i hate trainings,peroid.
but this training that i just went through really opened my eyes and stretched my horizon.
in my opinion, this training was conducted in our company to enhance and empower us in our respective field...
it actually did but it did more for me...it went beyond work.
it has made a significant difference in how i see myself.
through its interesting activities, i ahd a lot of realizations. mostly positive.
am glad i attended it.
i think everyone should hear what stephen covey has to say.